In The Weeds
“Geez! I’m putting on my socks!”
This is the type of response, full of indignation, that I invariably get from my kids when we’re running late to leave for school and I call out their names.
To be completely honest, I’m baffled by this response. Because I wasn’t implying that they were *not* putting on their socks, nor was I implying that putting on socks is not important. What I was saying was, “Are you aware of what time it currently is, and are you on track to complete your remaining tasks before we have to leave?” I don’t actually care about what they’re doing at that moment at all, as long as we leave the house on time.
But this is also exactly the sort of response I see employees provide their managers when they check in on a project or deadline. In fact, I’ve even seen employees preemptively avert their manager’s check-in with details about what they’ve been distracted by or busy with or sidetracked on. This inevitably backfires. Think about it: if all my child tells me is that they’re putting on their socks right now, it leaves me with so many unanswered questions. What do they plan to do after they are dressed? Do they know what time it is? Do they remember that they still need to eat breakfast? And so on. Yes, it makes me believe I need to micromanage them to get the results I want.
When we orient our conversation around being validated for our busy-ness, we convey the message that we need our managers in the weeds with us. We erode trust.
Ultimately, what our manager needs to hear is:
Are we aligned on the goal/deadline/milestone?
Are we still on track to complete the task as planned?
What help do we need from them?
When we orient our conversation around our manager’s needs, we convey the message “I’ve got this.” We build trust.
Manage up to level up trust.
